Similarities attract

Quick question: what makes some relationships work while others go down the gurgler faster than you can say "I'll call you"? Surely scientists, psychologists, sexperts and relationship gurus have done enough research into the science of chemistry and working relationships to discover the holy grail as to why some work and others don't? Surely by now we should be able to ditch that endless search for that someone who we may or may not be compatible. Surely someone has figured out the mathematical equation behind who we'll click with and who we won't?

Sadly this doesn't seem to be the case. Instead, experts reckon that it all has something to do with opposites, even though they're not quite sure what it's all about.

Do opposites attract? Or do they repel? Is it better to date someone like ourselves, or someone that has never even heard of our favourite band, votes for a different political party, drives a motorbike and hates to read?

If you picture a gag-worthy lovey-dovey couple, what often springs to mind is how similar they are to one another. Then there are those couples that are complete opposites of each other. One is the extrovert in the relationship and loves to talk, is the life of the party and has the world at their fingertips. The other has the personality of an ant, is barely audible over their partner's loud cackling and prefers to stay in bed with a DVD than to hobnob with their partner's mates. Yet all differences aside, it appears they are hopelessly in love nonetheless. Bizarre? Indeed.

But apparently that's the way nature intended it. Because as these couples are most likely to attest: opposites bring about a fiery passion that similar personalities just aren't able to do. Besides, as a male colleague of mine once mused, "If opposites didn't attract, everyone would be asexual or gay".

It's an interesting thought yet not everyone would agree.

A study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences quizzed respondents on who they found most attractive and - surprise, surprise - the study discovered that people are more attracted to those similar to themselves. It seemed when they recognised qualities they liked in themselves in someone else, they were prepared to jump into the sack faster than if the differences were more abundant.

Anthropologist and relationships expert Helen Fisher calls it our subconscious "fitness matching". And the folks at Cornell University, New York concur. They polled 978 people to find out what was important to them in a partner (with categories including wealth and status, family commitment, physical appearance and sexual fidelity). They were then asked how much of these qualities they saw within themselves and the results found that they were likely to rank a quality as important in a partner if they gave themselves a high rating for the same quality.

The study also found (not surprisingly) that women who rated themselves highly on the attractive scale, tended to migrate towards wealthier blokes, while the successful gents tended to choose more attractive femmes.

So why the heck are we under the common misconception that opposites are supposed to attract? Dr. Neil Clark Warren has no idea. As author of Date or Soul Mate? How To Know If Someone Is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less, he says that instead of opposites attracting, opposites cause all sorts of problems, specifically if the differences fall into the following categories: mismatched energy levels (one can go all night while the other just wants to sit at home and watch a DVD), personal habits (one smokes, bites their nails or overeats), money (frugal versus spendthrift) and conversational skills (one can't talk openly, the other can't listen).

But I can't help but thinking that the key to it all isn't to search for someone who's the spitting image of ourselves, but to find someone that enriches and complements our lives ... even if they've never heard of any of the bands on our iPod ...